Monday Morning Coffee Contemplation

So, yes, it's not morning but I can still be contemplative.

Today I am grateful for all this...

• Baby baths and baby smiles
• No longer caring if I have another human's saliva or puke or (as we call it) milk cheese on me
• Hanging cloth diapers on the line outside and having them turn WHITE (woohoo!)
• Nice spring days, even if they don't last long. It's a refreshing reminder of how wonderful my yard can be.
• Moments of laughter with my older children

And finally, happy birthday to my Burst! 15 years old today! I remember the little 9 year old that I first met who wanted to draw comics with me for the entire BBQ! And the 9 year old that would 'fake sleep' until I got home from my evening job so she could shout from her bedroom 'I'm still up! Can you say goodnight!?' How fast time goes. I wish I could hold that little girl in my arms again and read silly 4th grade books. But now she's a woman and those cuddling days and books about adventurous mice (& what have you) are long gone. Yes, some days with a 15 year old are hard, but she is still my Burst from those many years ago. The girl who plays in the rain, cuts her hair short and doesn't take crap from anyone (well, that last part is still true). Happy Birthday Burst.

You've grown so much!

From a girl pretending to drive...

To a girl (a few seconds later) who realized I had the keys...

To a woman actually old enough to drive (with the right classes)!

Happy Friday

3 minutes and 46 second of PURE BABY JOY... GO...

That's my Mr. K. and my nugget. :)

Monday Morning Coffee Contemplation

Mamahood is chaotic and joyful. And I want to remember all those moments and give my thanks up to the Goddess for each one. So often Mondays are the dread of the week and while I can't promise I will post in this series every Monday - I will do my best.

Things I am grateful for this Monday Morning...

• I am grateful for a house that is simultaneously clean and littered with baby items. (Note: I'm talking clean to my non-Olympic-mama standards)
• I am grateful for friends that give me wonderful hand-me-downs so my Nugget can be oh-so-stylish.
• I am grateful for the chance to see my son's face explode with joy as he discovers how fun new toys are.
• I am grateful for family get togethers where Nugget feels all sorts of love as he gets passed from one set of arms to another.
• I am grateful for MY mama who watches Zippo and checks in on Burst so they can stay in town when they have no desire to go to said family get together (although she could work on not sending so much stuff home with Zippo... LOL)
• I am grateful for green grass and cool spring breezes in mid-March no less!
• I am grateful for a husband that makes me laugh.
• I am grateful for fitting into ONE pair of normal pre-maternity jeans, although I keep forgetting I have to unbutton them when going to the bathroom. (HA!)
• I am grateful for baby swings and seeing the potential of Nugget's childhood - stretched across lazy spring days, filled with bird songs, open windows and baby smiles. 

Cleaning Calendar

So a good friend of mine *ahem* Violet Marbles *ahem* shared a link with me about a week ago. This LINK. I've always been envious of people who can keep their houses clean. There are tons of programs and whatnot out there in the great wide web, but seriously - who can keep up with some of these schedules! Well, the link that Violet Marbles shared seemed almost manageable. So I figured I'd give it a try.

I did modify it some. For instance... who in the world cleans windows every week! Maybe if we had glass sliding doors and toddlers with grubby fingers that would make sense. But my house was built in the 1870s... no sliding doors here. So I replaced that entry with "dust" because a house this old gets dusty fast! Also the "quick sweep or vacuum - EVERYDAY" yeah that's not happening. But hey getting it done once a week is a serious improvement! But overall, I am liking this calendar! I printed it out and put it on my fridge. I've been able to follow it pretty much all week, yeah we cheated on a few things & some things were hard to do because it has been WAY too long since they were done last. (But that will get easier when we do the chores every week - nothing will sit dirty for months!)

What I like most about it is it keeps me focused. I know what type of chores to assign Burst and Zippo everyday and whatever they don't do is on my to-do list. Also cleanliness is contagious! When the clean dishes get put away EVERY morning before anyone else is awake and the counter has NO dirty dishes or pots n pans it is a visible reminder to everyone that dirty dishes go straight in the dish washer. The one day there were a few pots on the counter was the one day folks kept forgetting to load the dishwasher right away. The other thing I love is I don't feel stressed out if one part of the house is dirty because I know exactly when it will be cleaned next. Last adding the daily tasks to my normal make-coffee-wake-up routine in the kitchen wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

So if you are struggling to keep your house semi-clean (remember we don't believe in mama Olympics on this blog), check out Little Green Notebook's post. Modify it so it makes sense to you and your house. Then post that sucker on your fridge. Commit to trying it for a week and I bet you'll be hooked like me!

Weekend Themes - 'Hang stuff on z wall'

As a new mom, it can feel like 'getting stuff done' which was once difficult has suddenly become impossible. I'm a 'to-do' list kinda gal and not being able to check stuff off my list drives me bonkers. I'm the kind of gal that will write 'write a to-do list' as the first item on my list, if you catch my drift.

So this whole mom-to-an-infant-can't-plan-a-day-let-alone-get-everything-you-want-done thing is hard on me. Please note, I am not a highly motivated person. I'm not talking about mommy Olympics like some moms can accomplish - painting furniture, cooking 3 home cooked meals, being awesome, going to the zoo, all before 4pm. No, I'm talking about simpler things. Unpacking my pre-maternity cloths and figuring out what fits, cleaning the bathroom (still needs to be done) and other general household things.

Enter 'Weekend Themes'. I have given up on the 'to-do' list. Crossing everything off that list is a dream long gone. In embracing my new mama-of-a-newborn role, I've decided to have Weekend Themes instead of a to-do list. You pick a theme, you get at least ONE thing done towards that theme and you call it a day (or rather, a weekend). If you get more than one thing done regarding the theme, well look at you - you Olympic mama! And if you only get one thing done, well - ATTA GIRL YOU GOT ONE THING DONE WITH A NEWBORN IN TOW! Seriously, good job.

This weekend's theme was 'Hang stuff on z wall' - yes you need a cool accent for your theme. I have been very fortunate to have a professional photographer document our journey as a family. We have maternity shots and newborn shots and we'll have plenty of sessions coming up every few months this year. That means, you guessed it, lots of stuff to hang on the wall! I hate that I begged and pleaded for us to find the money for this photographer yet these photos have been sitting around, not-on-the-wall. I am DONE WIT ZIS! On z wall they go!

These were my living room walls before my grand adventure of hangin' stuff on z wall (I really have no idea what kind of accent that is). Nice and green, my living room! And the wall above the couch - EMPTY! There had been three paintings hanging there but I had used that 3M velcro to hang them and one hot day this summer - plunk, plunk, plunk. On the floor they went. And the wall has been blank ever since. Shopko was celebrating their 50th anniversary - GO SHOPKO! - and were having quite the sale. One set of shelves and two black picture frames later I had a plan. In my head, this plan was going to be super easy. Reality - not so much. It was like high school math class but with uneven floors and a crying newborn. At one point, I was ready to say "You know what, Mr. K. you do it." but then that awesome little feminist in me took over. I thought "I used to do this kind of stuff all the time before Mr. K. - why can't I figure this out on my own?" And you know what, I did! Here is the end result:

and...

That's the hunky Mr. K.

Is there more I would have liked to accomplish within this weekend's theme? Uh, yeah! There are three oval frames in the dinning room that I'd like to hang that have current pictures of Burst, Zippo and Nugget. But you know what mamas, there's always next weekend. And in the end, I'd rather skip the mama Olympics and cuddle with Nugget (which I totally did for 2 hours before I wrote this post).

P.S. - I think this post might set a record for hyphen usage.

Your Second Month - In Review

Nugget,
What an amazing month you had! There are so many exciting things to talk about, I'm not sure where to start! By the middle of the month, you became a smiling machine! You love to give us your big toothless grin and you know what? We love getting it! You have so many different types of smiles. The full-fledged-ear-to-ear smile, the one-lip-curled-up-like-Elvis smile, the you're-one-funny-face-away-from-a-big-smile smile and my favorite the I'm-smiling-cuz-I'm-pooping smile. Now we are just anxiously awaiting your giggle! I think you giggled once in your sleep but we having heard it since, but we sure do want to!

At 6 weeks, we went to see your favorite midwife for our last appointment! She weighed you and you were already 11 pounds and 2 ounces. Such a big boy. She said you were very healthy which is what we like to hear. This month is the first time you had an outing out of town! We didn't go far though, just to a town about 30 minutes from us. Grandma S. and I packed you and WAY too many diapers up and headed out of town. We did some shopping and had lunch at Applebee's. And you were SO good! You slept pretty much the whole time and only woke up the last few minutes right before we paid our check. It was such a great day and so nice to get out of the house and do something fun! You were pretty wiped out by the time we got home. Too much excitement!

My 30th birthday was on Valentine's day and you were my favorite valentine of all time! I bought you a cute little Valentine's shirt and you were so cute. We did a little photo session where we smothered you in kisses. Then grandpa and grandma H. came over for Angel food cake. You didn't get to eat any though. Maybe next year. The day before my birthday, grandpa and grandma H. came over and babysat you for just a few hours, so Mr. K. and I could go out to dinner! I had my first glass of wine in over a year and it was very good, but I will admit I got a little silly. But you were SO good for your grandma and grandpa. They said you pretty much slept the whole time.

Photo Shoot Smooches

MORE Photo Shoot Smooches!

The other thing we did this month was have a little family outing. All of us, Mr. K., me, Burst, Zippo and you all packed up in our car and went to an Eagle center in a town about 40 minutes away. We saw real live eagles! The center rescues hurt eagles and takes care of them either forever or until they are well enough to go back in the wild. They brought out two of the eagles and even fed them RATS in front of us. It was gross. I was a little worried they would think you looked like yummy food and try to eat you, but we sat pretty far back in the room and they were on tethers. Even still, I gave a few of them the stink eye when they were looking at you like food. (LOL) Then after the eagle center, we went out for pizza and ice cream. It was a great day with the family.

Me, Burst, Nugget & Mr. K. - Zippo was feeling camera shy, so he took the photo.

But I'd have to say that my favorite memory from this month is the day you pooped so hard, you made yourself fall asleep. Your whole body wriggled, squirmed and grunted for a good 5 minutes and by the time you were done you were passed out like this:

Can you tell these "recycle" pajamas are my favorite?

You are getting so big! You are already fitting into a lot of 6M clothes and you are trying very hard to roll over although you've only been able to get yourself up on your side for now. And last, in other news, your hair is starting to grow back in and it is coming in dark! Proof that you have my genes too and not just Mr. K's.

Don't grow up too fast, my lil' nugget.
Love,

Mama

Wordless Wednesday

Nugget's First Walk

Let's talk about birth terminology

I'm not ready to share my full birth story. I want to write my birth story and really do it justice. Right now I am too tired and truthfully, there are unresolved feelings about my birth that I'm not quite ready to dive into.

I will tell you this much. My birth journey was 59 hours, roughly 48 hours of which were completely unmedicated. We had planned a home birth and well, it just didn't happen and not for our lack of trying! There is some birth terminology that this experience has brought to the forefront that doesn't sit well with me. The first term came up as we were entertaining the idea of going to the hospital. All before the birth when we would talk about this possible (albeit unlikely) outcome, I would refer to it as "hospital transfer" or "transferring to the hospital." I never even thought twice about this terminology, but then in the moment where it was ME that was "transferring" to the hospital I couldn't do it. I couldn't use the word "transfer". I quickly switched my terminology to "going to the hospital." I didn't feel like something had gone wrong per say. I wasn't in immediate danger. I didn't need an ambulance. And that word "transfer" for some reason made it felt like going to the hospital was outside my control. That it was happening TO me. And that just didn't sit well.

Now the other word that really gets me is "complications." Yeah, I suppose one could say I had complications. But I refuse to look at my birth like some medical "event" that is supposed to go one certain way. And when it deviates from that path, it has suddenly experienced "complications". Ugh! It leaves such a bad taste in my mouth, that word! Blagh! My contractions kept slowing, yes. I was in labor a long time and had no energy left, yes. I needed an epidural so I could sleep and eventually push nugget out, yes. But these are not inherently "complications". This is birth. I have found myself avoiding the word complications by instead referring to it as my birth journey. So instead of "Due to complications, I ended up having pictocin." I say instead "Due to my birth journey, I ended up having pictocin." Do you see what a difference that makes!? All of a sudden, it isn't something that happened TO me - it is something I journeyed through. I stay the main character in my own birth story, the so called complications aren't allowed center stage.

Words have power. And I really think the words around birth need to change. What about you mamas out there? What birth words leave a bad taste in your mouth?

A mama quicky

Art used to be beautiful paintings and photographs. Now it is poop stained "splatter art" in my cloth diapers.

And I gotta say, I find it just as interesting! :) If there is a large enough interest, I'll post photos of the "art" I am surrounded by. LOL!!

Self Image After Baby 101

So today I was on a search for some long sleeved shirts. I truly couldn't remember what I had stashed away when I packed my pre-maternity clothes away last spring. Well, what the heck, I thought. Let's pull a box down and see what we find. Sure enough I came across a whole stack of long sleeved shirts, but more importantly I came across my pre-pregnancy, pre-mama identity. "Oh yeah! I remember being that girl!"

It is amazing how much clothing and accessories inform our identity. Maybe they shouldn't, but they do. Pregnancy and motherhood is a transition in so many ways. But how often do we look at the role our clothes play in that transition? Think about it... you get pregnant, your body slowly starts to morph and as it does, so does your wardrobe. For me, I had to get my maternity wardrobe on a budget, so I couldn't be real picky. It was garage sales for me! The wardrobe I had was functional, but it was not an accurate reflection of my self image. So when I came across these pre-maternity long sleeved shirts, it was like someone giving me a mirror to see my past self.

When I thought about incorporating these old/new articles back into my wardrobe, I got real excited. "I get to be that girl again! Only better! Changed." I'll never be that girl again entirely. I've exprienced growing a new life inside myself; I've experienced bringing that new life to the outside world and I have become a mother. These things can not be reversed. So how does one reconcile the self that was with the self that is. I can't answer that for everyone, but I can answer it for myself. Happily. The person I was, she was pretty cool but she was nothing compared to this new self. I feel like as I wear these old clothes, I will step into my old self but bring my mama self with me.

Clothes help us articulate to the outer world who we are, but another part of self image is the body. How I view my body has changed drastically since before becoming pregnant. I realized this when I checked myself out in the bathroom mirror after putting on a pair of old pajama pants and a long sleeved shirt. Before being pregnant, I always thought I was fat, most especially around my belly. Looking in the mirror today, I marveled at how slim I am! Even though I haven't lost all the baby weight, I still view myself as slimmer than before I was pregnant. And that got me thinking... why is that? Because I've seen what my body can do. I appreciate my body so much more because I've seen it's power. I've seen it morph and stretch to hold my baby. I've seen it morph and stretch to remove my baby!

Things that never had a purpose before, suddenly have the most important purpose in the entire universe. How can one not be in awe of that? How can one's body image not change? Some moms have a hard time reconciling their new body with their old body. Maybe I am having an easier time because I wasn't a big fan of my body before pregnancy. Or maybe women are taught by society to ignore our own inherent power. Of course body image would be hard to reconcile if we don't allow ourselves to see our own power. As a good friend of mine has said (and I am paraphrasing), the entire universe resides within us women. We can expand to infinity. That is power. That is love.

And I love me.

Kijjet